I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Randomize
