can we get nightvision for the apartment?
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
