I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
