Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
So many bounce houses so little time
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
