perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
