That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
