I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
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