She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
