I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
stop calling my apartment porn island.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
