i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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