Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
