I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize