I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
