sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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