dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
