her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
