I never want to see another naked old woman again.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
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