I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
