i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
