Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
did i just pee glitter
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
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