dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
