I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
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