Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Randomize
