when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
