your room smells of hookers.
And success
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
