even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
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