i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
