did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Randomize