He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
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