I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Randomize
