the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
