I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
