he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
we're making bets on your personal life
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Randomize
