Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
