lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
We are two peas in an std pod
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
