Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
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