We're like a lot better than the average bears
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
