are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
