i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
porn star boner night. come get it.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Randomize
