I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
