It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
