You really coming over, don't trick.
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize