I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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