So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
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