Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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