had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
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