Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Randomize
