My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
did i walk over a car last night?
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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