i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Randomize
