Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize