Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
