yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
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