she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
