I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Randomize
