how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize
