i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
