he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Randomize
