i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize