Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
