WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Randomize
