someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
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