I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Randomize
