i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
