and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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