They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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