it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Randomize
