First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Randomize
