Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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