That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
did you just send me my own nude
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
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