he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
NoShamevember. You game?
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
