Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
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