So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
His hands were made for my vagina.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
NoShamevember. You game?
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
