You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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