i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
