New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
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