He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
