sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Randomize
