Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
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