don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
