walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
