not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize