Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Nicole vs. Life
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
lets start a swedish sibling band together
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
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