4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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