Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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