Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
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