I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
where am i from again
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
