i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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