Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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