Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
