Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Randomize
