C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Randomize
