yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize