he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Randomize
