he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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