I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Randomize
