I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Randomize
