The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
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