It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Randomize
