New low: just hacked my moms facebook
tell your sister to shave her snatch
im having a threesome with these popsicles
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
