Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize