He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
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