A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Sext me about skeletons
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
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