Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
You dont lie about slip and slides
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
do nipples grow back?
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