so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
I would fuck him just for his dog
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
