You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
