We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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