The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
