the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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