I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize