I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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