i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Randomize
